He'll always be watching over me
by broggy
Summary: Ponyboy decides to visit Dally and Johnny at the cemetery, early one morning, and manages to find a way to say goodbye. One-shot, reviews are always welcome.


**Hey guys, I figured i'd do a little one-shot, had this idea for a bit, and just got it down tonight. enjoy!**

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I head out a little earlier than usual. I'm going to a place, that I wish never existed. Instead of winding up at that place, I wish people would come back to earth, and remain with the ones who love them.

On my way, I spot a family. A mother, a father, and two sons. They all laugh and play together. I feel angry. I'm jealous. Why can't I have that? Why can't Darry go to college, and achieve his dreams? Why can't Soda stay in school, and have normal worries for a kid his age?

Is it me, or does the rain always fall on those who deserve the most sun? It wasn't at all fair what happened to us. Our family fell apart. It crumbled even more, when Johnny and Dally passed. A hole was torn in our tight-knit shred of little family.

Things have changed. Two-bit lost his grin, and I often find him getting more and more drunk every night. One time last week, he got so drunk, that he was numb for hours, and he passed out. He was almost rushed to the hospital for Alcohol poisoning.

Steve isn't much different. He hates me, even more than usual. Instead of understanding what I went through, he blames me for all that happened. I accept it. Its was my fault. I don't deserve to be looked upon positively anymore. I would much rather prefer that he hates me.

Approaching the cemetery with upmost caution, and remorse, I pull myself together and work my way through the gate. I carry something in my hands. The paperback copy, of _"Gone with the wind"_. Johnny likes it when I read to him. I search the massive rows of headstones, gray against the crisp, blue, fall skies.

The air has a chill. Its almost telling me that I don't belong here. I know where I belong. Six feet under, where Johnny's cold corpse lies. I should have been the one to suffer a broken back, and horrible burns. Not Johnny. Not poor, innocent, loving Johnny, who could never hate anything, or anyone.

Finding the two gray stones that I was looking for, I kneel down, and breathe out a shaky sigh. I start with Dally. He's easier to talk to. I like to imagine that he's standing right behind me in spirit, trying to find a way to make his hand connect with my hollow skull, so he can give me what for. I chuckled half-heartedly. Good old Dal...

"How are ya Dal?" I ask, tracing his name with my finger on the massive chunk of rock. **Dallas Winston**. I repeat the name in my head like a song. Dallas, Dallas, Dallas. "The gang really misses ya..." I think of what else to say. There is nothing more to be spoken. I wrap it up, quickly. "Im... im sorry Dally... im sorry..." I whisper.

Now comes the hardest stop. I turn, across From Dallas's final resting place, lay the final place of someone else. My best friend. My brother. Johnny. I crawl over, a tightness working up into my throat. I trace his name, too. **Jonathan Cade**. Jonathan. That sounded funny to me. He was always Johnny, or Johnnycakes, not Jonathan.

I sit with my legs crossed, and I begin to speak. I like to think he's sitting next to me, watching me with those big brown eyes, and nodding in understanding. "Hey Johnny... how are you, buddy?" I wait for a little bit, before continuing. "We all really miss you... I hope you know..."

I wonder vaguely if he can even hear me. If he could, what would he have to say back? I rub at my eyes a bit. "I uh... I brought you something..." I hold out the book to the headstone. I feel a little breeze tickle my ear, and it caught me off guard. I giggle, then smile slightly, rubbing my hair.

"I know... I know.. ill read for ya.. don't worry buddy..." I whisper. I open the book, to where the note fell out of, and I begin. At first, im fine. It's when I read about the southern gentlemen, that I get choked up. "An-and so... they would ride off into sure death... because they were gallant..." My eyes blurred with tears.

I began to brush them away impatiently. "And then.. they... would..." I couldn't read anymore. More tears fell down my face. I had held it in. At Johnny's funeral, I hadn't cried. Nor had I uttered a sound at Dally's. It was changing now. The pain, of all the events sank in. My parents, Dally, Johnny, the gang falling apart. I lost it.

I sank to my side, resting my head on the ground in front of Johnny's headstone. "D-dammit Johnny... Why did you have to go? huh?" I began to sob. "I want you back! Its horrible without you here! the gangs falling apart... everything's going to shit!"

There was no breeze to stir my ears. I buried my face in my arm and cried harder. The pain was flowing out. I needed this. "I miss the old days... I wanna play football with everyone... and I want to watch stars with you... and I want Two-bit to smile again... and I want Steve to tease me about being a bookworm..."

I was just blabbering now, like a child. I didn't care. "Its all my fault... I ran into the damn church... and you followed me... you didn't wanna get hurt... It should have been me... I'm sorry Johnnycakes... I'm so sorry..."

I lay on my back, watching the clouds. "I don't wanna live in a world like this, unless I have someone like you to stand by me... I miss you..." I repeated. I missed Dallas too. Even though I didn't know how to say it, I missed him too.

After crying for a few hours, My eyes were red, and puffy, and my nose stung. I felt a lot lighter though. I had gotten all those emotions off my chest. It was getting late. I had spent the rest of the afternoon reading, and telling stories to Johnny. He likes it when I tell him stories.

I stood up, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I will be here tomorrow, and the day after that. I promise Johnny I will always be back. I say my goodbyes. "Ill see you tomorrow Johnny..." Then, things get a little weird.

Its always cold this time of year, but suddenly, I felt real warm, like someone wrapped a blanket around me. A rough breeze comes by, ruffling up my hair, and tickling my ears once more. My eyes get watery, but I smile through tears. "I love you too Johnnycakes..." I whisper. I turn to walk out, leaving the book on his grave. No matter what, I know he's up there somewhere... Always watching over me...


End file.
